Posts Tagged ‘New England Patriots’

The New England Patriots came just short of getting to the Super Bowl, the Boston Red Sox are favorites to win the World Series, the Boston Bruins are in first place in the Northeast division and the Boston Celtics are looking poised to make another run at an NBA title, so how do the lonely Boston Blazers lacrosse team make any headlines in the cities papers?  Oh I know, I know!  How about the Blazer’s mascot Scorch rallies a couple of bombshell beauties and hosts a lap dance contest during half-time that is soooo saucy, sexual and inappropriate that it makes Hester Prynne look like an innocent angel?  Oh wait, that already happened?  Awesome!  Why then is the city in such a rage over a little “innocent” fun?

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“Life is like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get!”  Well, so are NFL interviews I guess, especially after seeing the “passionate”, down-right hilarious interview with the New York Jets Bart Scott after beating the New England Patriots last night.  At first glance, it’s hard to tell if Bart just advanced to the AFC Championship game against the Pittsburgh Steelers or got dumped by his high-school sweetheart.  I understand that perhaps most of the nation, including a lot of the Jets own fan base didn’t give the team much of a chance against Tom Brady and his long locks of lust, but to say the Pats defense couldn’t stop a nosebleed and then go off on a temper tantrum like a 5-year-old boy who just got his favorite toy taken away, is flat-out stupid.  Not only did Bart sound like an idiot, he contradicted himself today, when he said he’s sick and tired of hearing teams, players and experts talking crap about his team.  Talking crap, really?  You’re the Jets, your mantra is trash talking hahaha. On a different note, I hope some one found Sal Paolantonio a clean pair of pants, cause I’m pretty sure he lost it once Bart stopped using his inside voice – ewwww!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the NFL Network put a bunch of former NFL coaches and players in a room together and forced them to read off a teleprompter?  Oh no no-no!  Forcing guys whose brains are the equivalent of yogurt to read and enunciate large, difficult words like “the” and “team”  is never a good thing.  Well, good thing these genius’ only have to pronounce players names, cause how hard could that be, right? WRONG!  It’s this rather humiliating scene of Joe Theismann calling Danny Woodhead, Danny Woodcock that make me wonder if professional football players, past and present should be forced to wear a helmet at all times.  Is it any surprise that the person who got the most amusement out of the word “cock” was Deion Sanders, who was rolling on the floor laughing like a 12-year who just heard his first fart joke?  The only way this scene could have possibly been more uncomfortable would have been if there was a pole, a 220-pound stripper and Steve Mariucci stuffing dollar bills down Ginger’s g-string.  Today’s video is just another perfect example of why avoiding the NFL Network is a good thing.

EMINEM is arguably the greatest lyrical mastermind to EVER set foot on the music landscape PERIOD, fair enough?  How is it then that a Cheddar Bob look-a-like from right in the back yard of Boston, Massachusetts is challenging the Real Slim Shaddy for that crown?  Fantastic question, given that this Patriots fan looks like he’s three sheets to the wind, but then again some of my most fantastic work has come after a long night of sipping on grandpa’s cough medicine too.  However, anyone who can throw a hook with BenJarvus Green-Ellis in it and make it sound fly is good in my book.  What do you think?  Can we just name him White Squall right now and get it over with?

Rex Ryan ripped him for watching Broadway plays, Antonio Cromartie and his eight kids called him an a** hole and now his own teammate Deion Branch referred to him as the dork of the year.  Just when I start feeling some sympathy for Tom Brady, I remember that right now he’s probably sitting in his hot tub inside his mega mansion, wearing his comfortable man Uggs, while watching his supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen shining one of his three Super Bowl rings in something skimpy and I too have to agree, Tom Brady is an a** hole!  Okay, so maybe there was a little jealousy in that remark, but hey who can fault me?

Let’s all remember Tom Brady was a 6th round (199th overall) pick for a reason.  So how did Tommy Boy become the most feared quarterback in the game today? He certainly didn’t do it with his superhuman athletic ability, or lack thereof. Hmmm, well then I guess the only logical conclusion would be that he spends an enormous amount of time studying game film, opponents and players.  So no, it’s not his new-found love of Uggs that makes this Justin Bieber look-a-like a dork, but his supreme mental aptitude and game preparation.  Oh yah and by the way, if being a dork means living a life similar to that of Tom Brady, I ask you, “Where do I sign up?”

Congratulations NFL fans, we are all big winners this week as we will be treated for the first time in 64 years to football on a Tuesday evening!  If you agree with me on this highly debated topic,  I recommend you keep that opinion on the DL if ever around Philadelphia governor, Ed Rendell who ripped the NFL for postponing the Philadelphia Eagles and Minnesota Vikings Sunday night game due to “severe weather.”  After the “Snowpocalypse” left far far less than the 100 feet originally predicted by Meteorologists (the only job where being wrong 100% of the time is acceptable) the governor had these thrilling words for Roger Goodell and his constitutes down at the National Football League headquarters:

“We’ve become a nation of wusses. The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything. If this was in China do you think the Chinese would have called off the game? People would have been marching down to the stadium, they would have walked and they would have been doing calculus on the way down.”

Holy Simon and Garfunkel, what a breath of fresh air theses comment are.  Then again have you ever seen or heard Ed Rendell speak?  The man is so full of pizzazz, energy and strong opinions, that he makes Richard Simmons look like a nun during Sunday night mass.  The real question here is whether or not Ed Rendell’s comments are as far off as a Shaq free throw or as dead on as a military sniper?  I tend to lean heavily in favor of what was said for nothing more than how soft the NFL has become in general.  The “No Fun League” has now officially become softer than Pee Wee Herman after a long day at the movies.  Honestly, does anyone remember the epic New England Patriots and Oakland Raiders “Snow Bowl?”  Now that was real football and fun football to say the least!

I don’t need to hear the NFL and city of Philadelphia saying that the game was postponed because they feared for the safety of its fans.  Really?  If you care so much about your fan base, why don’t you also help them out by reducing ticket prices instead of increasing them?  If you’re watching out for your fan base, why don’t you stop charging regular season prices for pre-season football?  The notion that the NFL gives two shits about its fans is as likely as Qatar building hotels strictly for same-sex intercourse at the 2022 World Cup.  As usual this decision to postpone the game was 100% based on the Benjamins!  Why not just play the game on Monday?  Oh, thats right because then it would have been a battle between networks in NBC and ESPN, which translates to plenty of lost $ signs.  Sooo the NFL cares about its fans, huh?  Yah right! Keep telling yourself that. I also got plenty of green, grassy pastures to sell you in Antarctica.

After watching the New England Patriots 300-pound offensive lineman Dan Connolly return a kick-off for an astounding 71-yards, I’m starting to think the only thing that would have been more entertaining would have been watching Rex Ryan chase a Twinkie around that’s attached to a remote control car.  Who would have ever thought that on a day when DeSean Jackson went all Tub Girl on the New York Giants with his ridiculous punt return for the game winning touchdown, that he would be upended by a man who can eat his weight in flapjacks?  The NFL, where amazing happens, not the NBA.