Posts Tagged ‘Comedy’

I’m not sure what this student said to the Vanderbilt mascot known as Mr. C, but after seeing the blood spewing down that young man’s face after taking a dirty right hook to the dome, my best guess it was something about his momma.  Let this be a lesson to future students, the mascots are taking their gymnasiums and arenas back – WATCH OUT!

Advertisements

I’m really struggling to understand why the crowd at the Staples Center is cheering this guy on and putting him on the big screen, when he’s clearly suffering a seizure.  WAIT, WHAT? Oh, wow! I guess its been confirmed by one of my anonymous sources that the man isn’t actually suffering from a seizure, but instead showcasing three recently learned dance moves from this weeks dance class at the local nursing home.  Someone should tell old man river that he can throw out his hip moving at that rapid-fire pace. EASY young fella!

The New England Patriots came just short of getting to the Super Bowl, the Boston Red Sox are favorites to win the World Series, the Boston Bruins are in first place in the Northeast division and the Boston Celtics are looking poised to make another run at an NBA title, so how do the lonely Boston Blazers lacrosse team make any headlines in the cities papers?  Oh I know, I know!  How about the Blazer’s mascot Scorch rallies a couple of bombshell beauties and hosts a lap dance contest during half-time that is soooo saucy, sexual and inappropriate that it makes Hester Prynne look like an innocent angel?  Oh wait, that already happened?  Awesome!  Why then is the city in such a rage over a little “innocent” fun?

Do you remember where you were when Andre Agassi dropped a gigantic atomic bomb on the tennis world by admitting to heavily using crystal methamphetamines during his hay days in the sport?  I sure do, it was the 3rd floor Macy’s bathroom, second stall on the right and as I sat on the John in tears wondering why I ate that Chipotle burrito in record time, I saw the headline flash across my cellular device. Then like a lighting bolt cast from the heavens by the hand of Tim Tebow himself, the enormity of the situation hit me and I lost all control….LITERALLY.  It’s safe to say, it wasn’t the finest day in Sports Mole history, but after years of therapy and laying off the corn salsa, my universe reunited as one.

Well, that was until today when I stumbled upon this little ducky video of Andre Aggasi hosting a charity event in Japan.  Japan?  Not sure why?  Never the less, when one of the prized artifacts being auctioned off received less than a hooker on Hollywood Boulevard, Andre offered some serious incentive to the audience to increase their bid.  Settle down class, it was only the once in a lifetime opportunity to see a naked picture of his stunning wife, Steffi Graf on his telefono.  I didn’t realize porn and charity were intertwined, but hey we’ll let bigons be bigons.  However, I will say the classic sight of the entire event was when Andre gave a sneak peek to his Japanese friend on stage of the nude picture and all in attendance witnessed Tiny Tim going “Weee” – calling all janitors, we need a clean up on isle three!  Is it safe to assume Andre may be back on the crank?

“All’s fair in love and war”, we’ve all heard it, but very few actually understand the meaning of this fascinating quote.  I need not run off some lengthy definition that some guy name Webster wants us to believe to be true, so instead The Sports Mole uses the best way he knows how to make learning fun – by using sports!  By the way, will Raider’s fans ever catch a break? Jeez.

Is it safe to say that we all have that one Asian friend, who every body loves, but would rather lick sweat off a marathon runner’s feet than ride with?  I mean, if there was one pothole in the entire Sahara Desert, this friend could honestly manage to find it.  Ya, come on don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.  I’ve always wondered of the four billion Asians (60% of all humans) that encompass this wonderful world, if all or just a small few magically turn into a bull in a china shop once they get behind the wheel of an automobile or in this case behind in the 100 meter hurdles (psh).  Well, since the proof is in the pudding, why don’t all you knuckleheads dip your finger in this bowl of butterscotch fun.  What’s that taste you ask?  That’s what lawyers refer to as “due diligence.” Boo ya!

P.S.  This article and/or video in no way reflects the views of The Sports Mole or anyone associated with The Sports Mole.  For those of you throwing the word “racist” around right now or “idiot”, take a joke and loosen the choke collar 🙂

 


I’ve seen everyone’s new favorite phenomenon – Glee only a handful of times and believe me when I say it wasn’t by choice.  However, it never seizes to amaze me that I find myself drooling over the great dancing moves and spectacular voices these young men and women possess.  Where am I going with this other than in the direction of no return?  That’s a fantastic question, but all I can say is that after seeing what the Belfast Giants hockey team did this past week with putting together a Broadway-like production to the music of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas,” let’s just say The Sports Mole is considering dropping sports for the wonderful world of the arts. I need a hug!