Archive for the ‘NBA’ Category

9.8, it’s not just the number of ounces in a Powerade bottle; it’s also the number of seconds it took for the national media to latch on to Derrick Rose as the next big thing, the second coming of Jordan and the humble superstar to captivate all our hearts.

            Let me preface this rant by stating that Derrick Rose is a great player. He deserved to win the regular season MVP award and in my opinion, will be a star in this league for years to come. His lackluster performance in the Eastern Conference Finals was a combination of tired legs from carrying the Bulls all season, and from the stifling Heat defense, specifically when LeBron James guarded him.

            It’s funny to see the reactions of prominent media members, “objectively” stating their disgust after a Bulls loss, while placing the blame on who they now claim to be an overrated Rose. So he was the greatest player since Jordan just a few months ago, but is now undeserving of his MVP trophy? Methinks there are ulterior motives at play here….

            The sad truth is Derrick Rose was unfairly crowned as savior to the thousands of non-Heat fans, all rooting against the King. He’s too young and too inexperienced to bear the weight of all this pressure, bestowed upon him by the bitter media determined to fight the “evil one” himself.

I get it. It was easy to pick this quiet kid as a sort of martyr, representing the slighted of the basketball world. He doesn’t talk trash, has the necessary skills and seems determined to do it all by himself (unlike the Big 3). Face it; he’s the perfect “anti-Lebron.” He’s the Superman to Lebron’s Lex Luthor, the Batman to James’ Joker, the Captain Am….eh, you get it.

We’re all beginning to “witness” that whether you love him or hate him, LeBron James is the best player in the NBA. He is better than Rose. He is better than Kobe. He is even better than his own teammate Wade. That pisses a lot of people off, those chugging the “Haterade.” I truly pity the MVP now that the Bulls are eliminated and the media’s fixation with him is done, his greatness forgotten, left to wallow in the emptiness of Jordan’s shadow.

The desperate media now move on to their last remaining hope against a LeBron championship, the final obstacle standing in the way of his rings: The German Larry Bird, the greatest shooter ever, the true MVP….until he loses and gets completely ripped and casted aside like his predecessors.

I feel for you, Dirk.

– Carlos Sanchez

Part deux of the Mole’s NBA Mid-Season report is here, and as Will Smith might say, ‘Welcome to the Wild Wild West, where Men In Black fight like Ali, all in the Pursuit of Happiness’ (see what I did there?) So stay chillin’, relaxin’, maxin’, and all cool through this semi-comprehensive prediction of meaningless regular-season basketball.

Western Conference Playoff Teams

Dallas Mavericks: ‘David Hasselhoff! Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap!’ – And Dirk clanks another free throw; vintage 2006 Finals – Grade: A Prediction: 3rd seed

Denver Nuggets: George Karl is a crazy person. That is all. Grade: C Prediction: 8th seed

Los Angeles Lakers: For some reason, I feel like this team has one last run left in them. Maybe this meth is starting to kick in??? Grade: B+ Prediction: 2nd seed

Memphis Grizzlies: Utah without Deron Williams < < < Rudy Gay’s Grizz (Yep, I’m 5 years old) Grade: C+ Prediction: 7th seed

New Orleans Hornets: A Chris Paul lead squad can’t sell out home games. More reason for contraction (I do know the meaning of the word, by the way…) Grade: B- Prediction: 5th seed

Oklahoma City Thunder: Although KD is a ‘fake clutch guy,’ getting Perkins for bleepin’ Jeff Green should help this team make a playoff run (The entire Eastern Conference thanks you, Danny Ainge) Grade: B+ Prediction: 4th seed

Portland Trailblazers: Oh yea, Greg Oden is still making more than 6 million a year while teachers across the country lose their jobs. Let’s get political, Portland! Grade: C+ Prediction: 6th seed

San Antonio Spurs: Tim Duncan stinking it up on my fantasy bench while they dominate the conference. AWESOME. Grade: A+ Prediction: 1st seed

Carlos Sanchez

 

T-Mobile only gave us a sneak peek, but oh no, The Sports Mole doesn’t go through life doing things half ass, so here is the full-version of the always popular Charles Barkley in his first and likely last music video debut.  Barkley for Prez in 2012, who’s with me?  No?  Okay, well ENJOY!

Inspired by this article from True Hoop blogger Henry Abbott, ‘your humble narrator’ has set out to define the true meaning of ‘clutch.’

To establish a baseline for my opinions, it is important to note that I am in no way a stats guy. I tend to look past the numbers, and feel there are more compelling stories in sports outside of how many points a player scores. However, the ultimate goal of any athlete is to win, to define his or her legacy by championships, along with the ability to carry a team during ultimate hardship.

Based on these leadership qualities, my interpretation of clutch players would be those who most efficiently put their team in the greatest position to win. Simple? Yes. Easily accepted among fans? Not so much. I’ve never understood the obsession, among fans and even media members, with the so-called ‘it factor.’ This non-existent will to persevere, to never accept losing and to emotionally push a team to victory, just doesn’t seem realistic to me. Call me a skeptic, but don’t all players want to win? Isn’t the goal to play at the highest level possible regardless of game magnitude?

Kobe Bryant is constantly lauded for having an “assassin” mentality, fortitude far greater than most of the league, which enables him to take over in last second situations when his team desperately needs a score. Based on the stats, and more importantly my own eyesight, I refuse to believe that someone with his type of game should ever be considered as “clutch.” When the vast majority of the team’s final shots are being taken—and missed—by him, he’s far from being a good captain and trying to ensure the best opportunity for victory.

The smart basketball move for all “superstars” should be to draw the defense in, look for an open teammate, and attempt the shot with greatest odds. The smart basketball move takes the glory and ego away from said stars, and certainly does not drive jersey sales. The smart basketball move doesn’t provide us with an epic television moment, but it does win games. Shouldn’t that count the most when it comes to a player’s legacy? Well it certainly does not, and if you weren’t already aware of that, just ask LeBron James and his “large-testicle” friend.

– Carlos Sanchez

Like a scrotum, here it is in a nutshell.  It seems like everywhere Justin Bieber goes, he’s showered with hugs, kisses, positive energy and 14-year-old girls panties.  Ewwww!  He’s so popular and lovable that Tom Brady ripped off the Bieber hair-do.  Usher?  Well, that’s a whole different beast.  I’ve heard the Biebs got him to switch teams a long time ago if you know what I’m talking about, huh.  So entering last night’s New York Knicks and Dallas Mavericks game at the Garden, he should have expected more of the same man love he experiences around the country, correct?  That’s a big fat negative.  Have you been to New York, let alone the Garden?  No man, woman or mythical beast is safe from scrutiny and the ever popular sound of booing.  And, if there is one person on this Earth,whose ego needs to be brought back to reality, it’s that skinny little twerp Justin Bieber.  I say off with his head, or at least with his career.

Dirk Nowitzki and the Dallas Mavericks may have crushed the spirit of New Jersey Nets fans with his game winning shot last Saturday night, but oh no not The Sports Moles.  Hard to be down in the dumps, when you’re sitting only a few seats away from the world’s most famous plumper humper.  After getting up close and personal with that monstrous booty, I too can now confirm that if it gets any bigger, it will be registering its own zip code.

Politics, there is nothing sexy about it.  That is until Sarah Palin hits the airwaves.  Oh yeah giggity, giggity, giggity.   If I had a dollar for every man who touched himself, when they saw the brunette bombshell from Alaska, well gosh darnit I’d be like gazillionaire.  I understand Sarah Palin isn’t the most well-liked politician, or human being for that fact, but when her luscious lady lumps hit the big screen, it drives the boys crazy.  I think Tracy Morgan summed it up best last night before the New York Knicks and Miami Heats match-up, when he said,  ”Let me tell you something about Sarah Palin, man. She is good masturbation material. The glasses and all that. Great masturbation material.”  TBS – where funny happens my ass!