I could have told you from the start that Brad Childress never stood a chance in hell of succeeding in the NFL as a head coach.  It was the end of Mike Tice’s “love boat” era and the Minnesota Vikings were desperate to hire a quality head coach to take an up-and-coming franchise to the next level.  Well, then how is it that we ended up with a grizzly looking pedophile that makes me feel safer with Jeffrey Dahmer than himself when there were a plethora of quality candidates waiting in the wings?

Let’ start by pointing out that when Brad Childress was an offensive coordinator for the Philadelphia Eagles, NFL “experts” referred to him as an “offensive guru.”  Is it possible to be an offensive coordinator, let alone an offensive guru when you’re not even calling the plays yourself?  We all know Andy Reid was conducting that orchestra in Philly.  The only thing Childress did behind that monster play card in the City of Brotherly Love was stroke his 80’s porn stache like a caveman who just discovered fire. Me Brad, you Jane?

Agree on the hiring of Childress or not, what’s done is done.  Now, with rumors in full-force that Childress could be on the chopping block for people underestimating his sneakiness, let’s take a gander when things started going south for Chilly baby.  Believe it or not, but it was Christmas Eve of 2006, when Brad “the Grinch” Childress spread some Holiday cheer in the form of a pink slip for wide receiver Marcus Robinson.  Man, even the Whos in Whoville think that’s cold.  Hop onto a little magic carpet ride to November of 2007 and the Chilly weather hits an all-time low in the Twin Cities as Troy “One eye is better than the other” Williamson is fined a game check ($25,588) for skipping a game against the San Diego Chargers due to the death of his maternal grandmother.  When asked about the punishment, Childress responded with “it’s a business principle of the Vikings organization.”  Sure and the Klu Klux Klan was a popular 80’s band!

It’s amazing that a man like Brad Childress who preaches integrity and accountability can look himself in the mirror every night knowing that if a baby walked into oncoming traffic, he would openly look the other way.  However, it’s quite apparent that Mr. Childress cherishes the honorable qualities of lying and deceit as shown by his previous track record with the media.  Sure all coaches tell a fib here or there, but that’s called gamesmanship. Something Childress knows nothing about!  Why then when asked on the whereabouts of Jared Allen, Ryan Longwell and Steve Hutchinson during training camp earlier this season, did he clamor that they are here in practice, when in fact he knew full well that he sent them on Operation Mississippi to bring back the Old Gunslinger for another season of saving his ass.  Oh how that has backfired to this point!  I mean Brad Childress is so good at lying; he could convince a straight man he’s gay.  Zygi never stood a chance!

Okay, okay so Brett Favre had the season of his life last year and the Vikings came within one interception of playing in the Super Bowl.  Does that mean we should anoint Childress as the next Vince Lombardi?  Hardly! I’m pretty sure Vince Lombardi could have led a Vikings team that had a cast of characters like Brett Favre, Adrian Peterson, Randy Moss, Percy Harvin and a Super Bowl caliber defense lead by Jared Allen and the Williams Wall to a better record than 2-5, where the Vikings currently sit.  With the season sinking faster than Fat Albert in an inflatable pool, Childress had to show the world that he did indeed own a set of balls and his first act of those balls dropping from his stomach was to release Randy Moss.  Sure Randy had some problems, but isn’t that why we fell in love with him in the first place?

I understand that having ultra-divas Brett Favre and Randy Moss in the same locker room is a lot to bargain for, but there are 31 other head coaches who would kill to have an owner like Zygi Wilf who spares no expense when trying to win. Plus, you knew what you were in for when you signed both.  However, talent doesn’t win alone in this league and clearly Brad Childress isn’t the right ring leader to run this circus.  Randy Moss was let go for no other reason than saying exactly what everyone else inside the Vikings locker room was thinking “Brad Childress is a trash head coach.” That and perhaps comparing a locally catered team lunch to dog food had something to do with his dismissal?

I was watching PTI yesterday when I heard an interesting comment pertaining to an interview co-host Tony Kornheiser had with Brad Childress shortly after he was hired in Minnesota.  Chilly said he didn’t know if he would ever get another opportunity to coach in the NFL after his time with the Vikings was up and that if he was going to go down, he was going to go down his way.   In light of the events that have transpired over the last 24 hours, it’s clear that’s exactly what he’s doing.  How can the current team ever trust Childress again?  Will players even play for him the remaining eight games of the season?  How is it that Childress can go behind the back of Zygi Wilf who brought Randy Moss back to Minnesota and not lose his job?  I’m praying some sort of light from the heavens above is cast on this sideshow in the next couple days or I fear mutiny is nearing.   I have one last question to leave all you Minnesota Vikings football fanatics…..where’s Mike Tice when you need him?

  1. Robin says:

    You’re right. Vikings got rid of Moss because he was kind of being a jerk. But, he was only doing so because he came to the stark realization that he went from one of the best run teams in the league to one run by a grown man who goes by the nickname “Chilly.”

    Very funny stuff, by the way.

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