Jay Mariotti Arrested For Smacking Around His Girlfriend

Posted: August 23, 2010 in General Sports
Tags: , ,

If you were dead to the sporting world this past weekend you sure as hell missed one great story as everyone’s “favorite” Around the Horn panelist and former Chicago Sun-Times reporter Jay Mariotti was arrested and charged for a felony domestic dispute.  As most details pertaining to this situation are still unknown, what we do know is that a heated verbal argument between Mr. Mariotti and his girlfriend took place at a California nightclub.  After several hours the couple moseyed on home where the verbal shots quickly turned into physical ones.  The woman claims that Jay pushed and shoved her around their apartment and when the L.A.P.D. arrived the evidence was indisputable as several noticeable cuts and bruises were visible on her body.  Wow!  This information is enough for anyone’s stomach to be churning with disgust, but guess what?  The Sports Mole has the Pepto Bismol to aid that aching tummy of yours as I know exactly what your thinking right now. 

Where to start, where to start?  How about with the question of what on God’s green Earth was Jay Mariotti doing in a California nightclub?  Call me crazy, but the man who has striking similarities to Pee Wee Herman and Doogie Howser M.D. just doesn’t strike me as the party animal nightclub type.  Now don’t get me wrong, I completely understand why Mr. Mariotti would be pouring back grandpa’s old cough medicine as his career has sank faster than a Fat Albert turd, but please do it at your local hole in the wall bar.  One would think if this nightclub had any dignity or sanity at all, they wouldn’t be letting the Jay Mariotti’s of the world even get a sniff of the urinal cakes that hug their toilets. After all it’s not like advertising the fact that you hosted one of Around the Horns most lame panelists will bring in the beautiful people of the world.  In fact, the only thing Mariotti will bring to your club is a cast of nerds that makes Mr. Rogers look like Ron Jeremy at an 80’s gangbang.

Alright, now that I got that off my shoulders, let’s move to the next most perplexing question of the 21st century:  What self-loathing mutant would subject themselves to sleeping with Jay Mariotti?  After all, I know anorexic girls that would shove a big fat piece of chocolate cake down their throats before taking off their clothes and getting into bed with this clown.  Okay, well clearly today’s life lesson is that we all make mistakes so we shall give her a pass on this one.  However, I’m dying to know what was said or done to get this woman to date Jay Mariotti besides maybe a bribe or blackmail.   Despite his duller than a toilet seat personality, fragile figure, pasty complexion and 70’s hairdo, I’m not quite sure what woman wouldn’t be throwing their panties in the direction of this rock star.  Let’s be honest, if a blind man was given the chance to see again even he would turn it down if it meant watching Jay Mariotti on Around the Horn.  At the end of the day, I would love to end this article with something sweet and heartfelt, but that’s just impossible when it comes to the disease known as Jay Mariotti.  Bon voyage my friend!

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